Matrimony
by
Fr. Courtney Edward Krier
Dearly Beloved in Christ,
Having spoken of the Sacraments that are required for our Salvation and which place us in relation to the Three Persons of the Blessed Sacrament: Baptism, the Holy Eucharist and Confirmation, I want to take a moment to reflect upon a Sacrament that is really ignored. I say that it is ignored because people look at marriage as a natural flow of human nature and the ceremony not as a sacrament, per se, but the moment they are legitimately free to engage in marital relations. Taken as a license, they do not ask for the help needed to accomplish what this sacrament was instituted to obtain: the sanctification of the spouses and the forming of a family. Because it is looked upon as a ticket to indulgence, those who “marry” marry for pleasure without any desire to accept the obligations of marriage.
To avoid this, it is necessary to spend some time upon the foundation of marriage and the obligations of marriage.
In beginning I must go to the beginning, to Genesis. In the first chapter, verses 26-30, we read of the creation of man:
And he said: Let us make man to our image and likeness: and let him have dominion over the fishes of the sea, and the fowls of the air, and the beasts, and the whole earth, and every creeping creature that moveth upon the earth. 27 And God created man to his own image: to the image of God he created him: male and female he created them. 28 And God blessed them, saying: Increase and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it, and rule over the fishes of the sea, and the fowls of the air, and all living creatures that move upon the earth. 29 And God said: Behold I have given you every herb bearing seed upon the earth, and all trees that have in themselves seed of their own kind, to be your meat: 30 And to all beasts of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to all that move upon the earth, and wherein there is life, that they may have to feed upon. And it was so done.
This introduction to the creation of man is to express the purpose of the unity, shown by the words “male and female” to “increase and multiply” by the formation of a social unit, the family. It is also to express a union that is equal in dignity. If we can look at the pluralistic and secular society of today, the removal of distinctions doesn’t bring about equality. Within the essence of God there are Three distinct Persons, the Blessed Trinity, which Feast we celebrated last week. This distinction is necessary, even though it doesn’t diminish the equality. By removing the distinctions between men and woman secular society also removes the dignity of each and denies their nature. A woman cannot say she is a woman and conduct herself as a woman, but must deny her nature and act as a brute man would act. Yet, man as a man must respect the dignity a woman has and acknowledge that as a person God’s relation with her is equal to his relation with all men. What I don’t want you to do is to interpret these initial passages and quotes in the sense that many are willing to accept them either to deny the wife her place next to the husband or as a means to reject matrimony altogether by radicalizing what God truly intends matrimony to be.
Continuing with the second chapter, we read about the specific creation of Eve, the first woman:
And the Lord God said: It is not good for man to be alone: let us make him a help like unto himself. And the Lord God having formed out of the ground all the beasts of the earth, and all the fowls of thee air, brought them to Adam to see what he would call them: for whatsoever Adam called any living creature the same is its name. And Adam called all the beasts by their names, and all the fowls of the air, and all the cattle of the field: but for Adam there was not found a helper like himself. Then the Lord God cast a deep sleep upon Adam: and when he was fast asleep, he took one of his ribs, and filled up flesh for it. And the Lord God built the rib which he took from Adam into a woman: and brought her to Adam. And Adam said: This now is bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man. Wherefore a man shall leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they shall be two in one flesh" (Gen. ii. 18-24).
Here, too, is much to reflect over in support of the concepts I wish to impart. First, our heavenly Father reminds us that man is a social being. He wasn’t created to live in isolation. We may be of the opinion that since the Penteteuch, or the first five books of the Old Testament, were written over 3600 years ago, the writers (Moses in particular) were simple people still having the minds of children. But we should dispel this concept and realize that even though Moses was writing in words that were capable of being understood by the people of his time, they are just as profound in perception as those of Sts. John and Paul. Man is so dependent on others that, despite stories, children cannot survive without the support of their parents and the most intolerable pain of humans is loneliness. Civil society punishes criminals by solitary confinement and the shipwrecked mariner is discovered having fallen into mental instability. Not only does God want us to reflect that we are distinct from the animals, in as much as we name them, not vice-versa, but also we see in them an understanding of our own nature, being we, too, have a body with animal functions. In the creation of Eve, there is found the closeness of unity that can be expressed through matrimony: “bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh”, that the husband sees himself in the wife, and the wife sees herself in the man and that they are both inseparable so far as my body is inseparable from me: “Until death do us part.”
There are added two more points that relate to marriage. The first is the ability of a man to be capable of supporting the family he desires to begin: “Wherefore a man shall leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife”. If a man is not capable, he would be wrong to pursue marriage; and a young girl he would marry a man who is not capable at the moment to support a family expresses that she has no interest in a family but has given herself to the spirit of the flesh. The Church counsels that young families should not be living with parents because it is totally disruptive of the idea of what a family should be and the relationship necessary between husband and wife. The man is not head of the house if the father or father-in-law assumes that role and the mother or mother-in-law assumes the role of the mother.
And, what follows, “And they were both naked: to wit, Adam and his wife: and were not ashamed” (Genesis 2:25), reminds us that preparation for marriage should be without shame. If the young man and young woman engage in a relationship that is pure and chaste, dedicating their conversations to dreams and plans of the future, they will not be ashamed. If instead they fall into temptation, they will find themselves ashamed because will see the other as exposed, as not innocent, but sinful. The couple seeking to marry must find it imperative to not fall into a relationship that obscures the ability to discover the personality of the other and the desire to spend a life together to form a family. So many, having tasted the forbidden fruit, can only desire more gratification and any possibility of a true relationship ultimately quickly dies. Therefore, these couples must seriously ask themselves what do they want in the relationship and acknowledge that if it is not solely for the establishment of a holy family, they should break-off the relationship because it will only lead to the lost of their soul and the souls of others.
Having introduced marriage as we find it in Genesis, knowing that the foundation of our faith and life is in the Word of God, I want to look at the definition of marriage as the Church teaches.
Christian Marriage is that Sacrament in which two marriageable people of different sexes associate in an undivided life communion by mutual agreement for the generation and education of offspring and in which they receive grace for the fulfillment of the special duties of their state; or, as is stated in the Roman Catechism: Matrimony is "the conjugal union of man and woman, contracted between two qualified persons, which obliges them to live together throughout life" (Roman Catechism II, 8). It is called
A) Matrimony from the Latin, matris munus (office of a mother): "From the fact that the principal object which a woman should propose to herself in marriage is to become a mother; or from the fact that to the mother it belongs to conceive and bring forth and train her offspring (ibid.).
B) Wedlock from the Latin, conjuguum (yoking together): "From joining together, because a lawful wife is united to her husband, as it were, by a common yoke (ibid.).
C) Nuptials from the Latin nubere (to veil, nupta - bride): "The bride veiled her face through modesty - a custom which would seem to imply [culturally]she was to be subject and obedient to her husband (ibid.).
In summary, I may say that marriage is (1) a union (2) between two qualified persons (3) which obliges them to live together throughout life. I will procede with these three conclusions later. I will also introduce the symbolism of the marriage ceremony at an opportune point.
Pope Pius XI wrote in his Encyclical, Casti Conubii, On Christian Marriage (December 31, 1930):
How great is the dignity of chaste wedlock, Venerable Brethren, may be judged best from this that Christ our Lord, Son of the eternal Father, having assumed the nature of fallen man, not only, with His loving desire of compassing the redemption of our race, ordained it in an especial manner as the principle and foundation of domestic society and therefore of all human intercourse, but also raised it to the rank of a truly and great Sacrament of the New Law, restored it to the original purity of its divine institution, and accordingly entrusted all its discipline and care to His spouse the Church.
The popes address encyclicals to the bishops. Since he is also a bishop, he uses the term, brethren. Here he is opening the encyclical by saying marriage is important. It is so important Christ not only gave special consideration to instructing how we, as Christians, should view it, but made it a sacrament. This is to say, He Himself promises to be present and bestow the graces necessary in its fulfillment by giving us His Spirit to dwell and work in us if we allow Him. There are several times Christ gives this particular attention and I will use His words at various times to demonstrate the Catholic ideal of marriage.
In the Sacrament there is a true union. A contract is `an act of the human will,' consisting in an agreement between two or more people about a certain matter or right. Marriage is a mutual agreement between a man and a woman, with God as a silent partner. By this agreement the man and woman consent to live together for life as man and wife; and they mutually accept the responsibilities and confer upon each other the rights and privileges necessary for the begetting and rearing of children of God and for the sanctification of their own immortal souls.
The usual conditions for a valid contract are these:
1. Persons capable of making a contract.
2. Mutual consent.
3. A matter subject to contractual obligations.
4. Observance of the prescribed formalities.
The marriage contract must be mutual, external, unconditional. Pope Pius XI writes, concerning the contract:
The sacred partnership of marriage is constituted both by the will of God and the will of man. From God comes the very institution of marriage, the ends for which it was instituted, the laws that govern it, the blessings that flow from it; while man, through generous surrender of his own person made to another for the whole span of life, becomes, with the help and co-operation of God, the author of each particular marriage (Casti Conubii).
The contract is irrevocable. Our Lord was very specific concerning this contract as St. Matthew (19:1-9) contests:
And there came to him some Pharisees, testing him, and saying, `Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for any cause?' But he answered and said to them, `Have you not read that the Creator, from the beginning, made them male and female, and said, "For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh"? Therefore now they are no longer two, but one flesh. what therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder.' They said to him, `Why then did Moses command to give a written notice of dismissal, and to put her away?' He said to them, `Because Moses (Deut. xxiv. 1-4), by reason of the hardness of your heart, permitted you to put away your wives; but it was not so from the beginning. and I say to you, that whoever puts away his wife, except for immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and he who marries a woman who has been put away commits adultery.'
A man has the choice to choose a woman who is free to marry and the woman has the choice to choose a man who is free to marry. Once the contract is consummated, it cannot be revoked. Neither are free to marry again while the other is alive. Even if a man should abandon or civilly divorce his wife, every marital act he performs that is not with his wife is adultery, specifically condemned by the Sixth Commandment. Every marital act by a woman so abandoned or divorced is adultery if it is not with her husband. Nothing dissolves marriage but God, who only releases the couple at the death of the spouses. As mentioned in the beginning, a man promises to take care of the wife as his own as seen in St. Paul’s words: Also ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife, loveth himself. For no man ever hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it. (Ephesians 5:28-29) The wife is guaranteed that she has the absolute full support of her husband and can devote herself totally to the duties of a wife. A man has the knowledge that his wife will always be there to provide him companionship. A consequence of believing one can easily break a contract is forwarded today by those who enter business contracts and claim no obligation to fulfill the contract, or politicians who are elected to uphold the constitution and feel no obligation to uphold the constitution. The consequence of Vatican II and its annulment process began an avalanche of failed marriage contracts because no one felt obliged to keep them when they were told they could simply get an annulment, and thus the Conciliar Church is largely responsible for the condition marriage is in today.
Our Lord called His disciples to celibacy, but Our Lord shows He was frequently thinking of marriage by the number of times He uses it as an analogy. In fact, I can say that, as St. Paul says (Ephesians 5,32), it was the best analogy He give for the relation He desired with His people, making marriage something He highly esteemed and desired as a manifestation of His relation also to the soul. By grasping this aspect, we can also understand how we should approach Christ. Historically speaking, the early virgins saw the relation and expressed their desire to be solely His spouse. This is the foundation of the convents of sisters. The first public act that Christ makes after His Baptism and the first reference to marriage is the invitation of Jesus to a wedding and His acceptance:
And on the third day a wedding took place at Cana of Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. Now Jesus too was invited to the marriage, and also his disciples...This first of his signs Jesus worked at Cana of Galilee; and he manifested his glory, and his disciples believed in him". (John 2:1, 2, 11)
What is remarkable is that He was willing to perform a miracle simply to make a married couple happy. Yes, the Church expresses this as substantiating Mary’s intercessory role; but what purpose did it serve? It was not done to support His teachings directly. In fact some may say it was rather detracting, since it was wine, which may be abused on such an occasion. Christ had to perform the miracle because a refusal could be interpreted as disapproval, something Christ would avoid, and even at the seeming performance of a miracle without purpose or disdained by the more puritanical minded.
I go from this first miracle to the many parables Christ uses to express the analogy of His relationship to His people and the love He holds for them as also what He desires from us. In Matthew, chapter 22, Our Lord speaks of the parable of the king making a wedding feast for his son and inviting the expected guests, received disdain: But they made light of it, and went their ways, one to his farm, another to his merchandise: And the remnant took his servants, treated them spitefully, and slew them. I would like you to relate it in the following fashion. Marriage is to consist of love, true love. The farm represents power and the merchandise is money. A union based on power (signified by the farm) or money (signified by the merchandise) rejects true love. What does it consist in? And when the king came in to see the guests, he saw there a man which had not on a wedding garment: And he said to him, Friend, how came you in here not having a wedding garment? And he was speechless. Here we have also the example of the wedding garment. What is the wedding garment? St. John writes: God is love (1 John 4,8). The Catholic Faith holds that the Holy Spirit is the Love of the Father and the Son. In baptism we receive a white garment or cloth symbolic of the “wedding garment” here mentioned. What is the connection? The wedding garment symbolizes the presence of God’s Spirit in us, the Spirit of Love. The conclusion is that with baptism we now possess God’s love, or God Himself. Without this love we can have no union with God. Without love, there can be no sacramental marriage. An attempt to marry without this prerequisite brings only misery. An addition is that with love God qualifies us as equal in our union.
In Matthew, chapter 9, verses 14-17 [Mark 2:18-29] there is reestablished the idea that marriage is indeed to be one of blessings and rejoicing.
Then came to him the disciples of John, saying, Why do we and the Pharisees fast often, but your disciples do not? And Jesus said to them, Can the children of the bridechamber mourn, as long as the bridegroom is with them? but the days will come, when the bridegroom shall be taken from them, and then shall they fast. No man puts a piece of new cloth into an old garment, for that which is put in to fill it up takes from the garment, and the rent is made worse. Neither do men put new wine into old bottles: else the bottles break, and the wine runs out, and the bottles perish: but they put new wine into new bottles, and both are preserved.
I don’t want you to miss the significance of the last sentences. With reference to the wedding at Cana (for wine seems to express the joy God desires present in love) and the wedding garment I spoke of above, Our Lord implies that He desires the ultimate felicity for the celebration of the union between a man and woman, just as He desires it for the union He establishes with us. The dissolution of a union brings sorrow and remorse.
John the Baptist accepts this sense when he replies to the same type of argument above:
Now a discussion arose between John's disciples and a Jew over purifying. And they came to John, and said to him, "Rabbi, he who was with you beyond the Jordan, to whom you bore witness, here he is, baptizing, and all are going to him." John answered, "No one can receive anything except what is given him from heaven. You yourselves bear me witness, that I said, I am not the Christ, but I have been sent before him. He who has the bride is the bridegroom; the friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly at the bridegroom's voice; therefore this joy of mine is now full. (John 3, 25-29)
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